Thoughts on overachievement

I work hard. I don’t, compared to some people I’ve met; but I know my priorities, and with the exception of my procrastination habits, I stick to my priorities. And I do well. Is that a crime? Is that a bad thing to want?

Two very conflicting interactions in the past 24 hours:

  • Daniel called on his way home from a bar (I think?). There’s nothing wrong with a Thursday night in a bar, except maybe telling me that he finds the alcohol relaxing and also likes to get high before teaching his classes. “You sound like you’re working.” That’s because I was. “Stop working so hard!” A common opinion of his. His version of sound advice. “I didn’t do shit, and look where I am now!” More on that later.
  • Dana and I got our Advanced Molecular Biology take-home midterms back this morning. I did pretty well, but she did poorly by comparison, which I think is complete bullshit because she CLEARLY knows this material better than I do. I’m pretty sure I bother her for the same reason Daniel bothers me — because I don’t work nearly as hard as she does, but still do well.

The thing is I do get bad grades. Less than optimal ones, anyway. For someone who’s hoping to be an M.D./Ph.D. candidate, my GPA is abysmally low. Of course, Daniel thinks this begs the question, “Why the hell do you want to do an M.D./Ph.D. anyway?”

Gosh, I dunno. Maybe because it’s what I want to do? Because doing research and fixing people makes me happy? Don’t doubt my life plan because it sounds like a lot of work — ever think that maybe I don’t mind working this hard because it’s something I like to do? I can’t just stand by and rely on sheer intelligence and bullshitting skill to get by. Just because everything worked out for Daniel (in terms of graduating and getting into grad school) doesn’t mean I’ll be that lucky. I’ll have lived five lifetimes before I get that lucky.

So maybe I’m not as intense and messed up as other premeds, but maybe it’s because I actually really want this and I know what’s important to me. So sue me if you think I shouldn’t work hard for something I want. (And you know what? Killing myself so far this quarter has gotten me two awesome midterm scores and a short story draft that I’m really proud of. So leave me alone.)

Sorry for the bitterness…

2010
02/12
POSTED BY
smosthedog
CATEGORY
blog
2 comments
    • Lucy
    • February 13th, 2010 3:17pm

    You are wonderful.
    Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t worry about what other people think. :)

    I love you!

    • enjelani
    • March 5th, 2010 12:49am

    did dad ever ask you that infuriating question when you came home with a report card in K-12? “look dad, i got an A!” “yes – but did you LEARN something?” (arrrrgh yes of COURSE i learned something, just be PROUD of me for once willya?)

    years later, dad’s question looks like wisdom; whether you’ve learned what you set out to learn, and will need to know for what you want to do, is the real measure of what’s worth your time. at both the slacker and overachiever ends of the spectrum it becomes about the System – either gaming it to get by, or buying wholesale into its stamps of approval. both extremes miss the point. school is really about what you internalize from your studies. the rest is just packaging.

    which is to say – you’re doing the right thing, for the right reasons. just back off a liiiiittle bit so you can stay healthy, imho. (there’s more than a little irony in a perpetually under-the-weather premed EMT…)

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