Tag Archives: hairstyles

Poor choices of soccer stars regarding hair

As promised…

1. The Headband

This phenomenon came to my attention during the US vs. Slovenia match last week. In my Google image searching, found this blog post on headbands. Not sure if I agree with the assertions therein, but at least I know I’m not the only one who thinks that the headband really does not work on some people.

Case in point: Slovenian striker Milivoje Novakovic (photo taken from ESPN)

I had a lot of trouble finding a photo of him and his headband, because maybe I’m the only person in the world who cares about what he does with his hair, but THIS IS REALLY NOT OKAY.

2. The 90’s Boyband Look

Does this phenomenon require a definition?

Becks rocks the frosted tips

Admittedly this phenomenon isn’t that bad, it just makes me think of the Backstreet Boys. Plus, bonus points in the positive direction for practicality — the 90’s boyband look does not cause distraction/annoyance during play unless of course the player doesn’t want to mess up his hair.

Cristiano Ronaldo: "LOOK AT ME I'M SO PRETTY!!!"

(As a side note: I will admit that Ronaldo is talented and pretty hot, but he is SO ANNOYING. Whiny little–)

All in all, I’d still say the 90’s boyband look is a poor choice, but as with all these hairstyles, who are we to control what a footballer does with his hair?

3. Things I have no words for

Namely this.

OH GOD WHY DONOVAN WHY!?

Maybe this is still kind of a 90’s boyband look, but just — I can’t look at this anymore.

Let’s keep in mind that Landon Donovan was young and impressionable at the time, a wee 19 years old when he played in the 2001 MLS All-Star game. Indeed, this was when this happened (I was a wee 11 years old and while my brother just shook his head, I laughed my head off).

Hahahaha

Forgive the tangent here, but while Donovan’s hair improved (likely he came to his senses as his hairline started receding… Landon Donovan, your current hairstyle has my seal of approval), he set forth to further embarrass himself in front of cameras.

I -- Donovan, what are you doing?!

For what reason are you throwing this attempted sultry look at the camera? I have plenty of respect for you on the pitch (all non-American/proper terminology for this sport is creeping into my brain) but this is dropping my opinion of you. And then —

WHAT ARE YOU DOING DONOVAN? WHAT IS ON YOUR HEAD? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?

Okay, so really maybe I am more endeared by all your promotional photo antics, but you are not making a good case for US soccer…

I’m done now.

Case study #2 of soccer stars’ hair length

Another email to Daniel, which I may soon follow with a general “Poor choices in hairstyles of soccer stars” post — mostly because today while watching the US vs Slovenia match, I remembered that Landon Donovan used to have bleached blond hair.

LIONEL MESSI

His hair is always a little… shall we say… messi?

But this is just getting out of hand:

Notice the curl over his shoulder.

Also not flattering to his face shape:

The headband doesn't help.

Oh god.

(On a practical note: do you have any idea how annoying it is to play sports with hair flying in your face?! I’m a girl, I would know!)

Muuucchh better:

D'awwww what is going on in this picture?

Granted, he looks pretty angry in this picture, but I’m still digging the short hair.

Sweaty post-game, but nowhere near as gross as he was with long hair:

And last but not least…

This girl is liking his short hair too.

And can I just point out that he is being touched in all these photos of him with short hair? (I swear, the google image search just came out that way.) Just sayin’…

And with that, I’m back to work. Coming soon: maybe an actual blog post not about soccer players’ — rather to put it the RIGHT way, footballers’ — hair. But more likely another post about poor hairstyle choices.

In which I plead the case against long hair on guys

So it’s that time again, when the US suddenly decides that oh yeah I guess that game THE REST OF THE WORLD PLAYS should get some air time. It’s FIFA World Cup time. And since it’s summer break, and I’m only just starting work, I’ve had free rein to wander the internet watching recaps, reading blogs, and noticing phenomena. Aaaannddd the one that I’m picking on is the general unattractiveness of long hair on guys.

Some background: my friend Daniel does not believe me when I tell him that girls prefer short hair on guys. He also has tried the long hair look, and didn’t believe me when I told him it was less than flattering. At this point, I have yet to find a girl who doesn’t agree with me in both the general and specific case — so if you have a strong preference either way, by all means tell me about it. Below, I have included an email I sent him, pleading my case.

DAVID BECKHAM, a case study

Maayyyybe borderline passable, but the blog I got this from referred to him as Goldilocks.
Gross. Like really gross. The suit doesn't help.
Muuuuch better.

Hot:

Hottt:

Although admittedly the shirtlessness may have something to do with that.

Have I proved my point yet???

To better iterate: long hair has the power to transform an otherwise super attractive guy into a thoroughly unattractive person.

That is all. For now.